Subject: Can I change his mindset?
Dear Steve and Shirley, I’ve been dating a man for six years and we live with his parents in a two-bedroom house. We had to move in with them in 2020 after he lost his job. I don’t have any family in this town, so I agreed to stay there temporarily, but he just started working 4 months ago. He couldn’t find a job in his field for a long time so I was relieved when he started working full-time because I thought we would finally get our own place. Their house is small and our bedroom is directly across from his parent’s bedroom. His mom uses the dining room as her sewing room and that’s where she smokes her cigarettes and you can smell the smoke all over the house. It’s a madhouse. They’re in their room having sex and we are in our room having sex in our full-sized bed. There is one bathroom and the shower does not work, so we all have to take baths. This is sheer torture for me, but I love this man. I often ask myself why I put up with this. I’m 29 and I can do better. I can find a man with his own place, a great job, and sane parents. I have invested 6 years into this and I want him to stop being complacent and get us out of here. He’s happy with the home-cooked meals, watching movies with his parents, holidays with them, etc., but I want out. My mother came to visit me and she got a hotel room. I stayed with her for 2 nights and it was nice to take a shower, have a bed to myself and not have to talk to his mother. My mother told me to be patient with him and things will work out. Should I move out and break up with him or should I follow my mother’s advice? Can I change his mindset or is he too far gone? Please advise